A Dubious Tale

The annals of the followers of Mephala are reputed to contain the records of many an unusual accounting. The offices of the Dark Brotherhood are uncovered but seldom, and then only after strong official pressure forces some action against them. This fragment was uncovered after one of the more notious chapters was razed near the beginning of the 3E.

While part of a social hunting expedition, a noble found himself paired with a very quiet Dark Elf. The Dark Elf turned out to be extremely proficient with the longbow, making one impossible shot after another. The noble asked how the elf was able to make all of those successful shots, to which the elf replied, "Good eyesight and lots of practice."

The noble doubted this and suspected that the Dark Elf was making use of some magical assistance (which would be very unsportsmanlike). The noble demanded to examine the elf's bow. The elf reluctantly allowed the noble to examine the bow, which turned out to be a very ordinary longbow. The noble next demanded to examine the arrows, which also turned out to be quite ordinary.

Believing that something was amiss, the noble questioned the elf on the source of his expertise until, in an effort to get the noble to leave him alone, the Dark Elf confessed to being a professional assassin.

The noble was astounded by this pronouncement and asked how much the elf made in his profession.

"500 golds per shot," replied the elf.

"Surely you mean 500 golds per target," insisted the noble. "It comes out the same," replied the elf, "I never miss."

"Just how good is your eyesight?" asked the noble.

"See that manor house on the hill over there," asked the elf.

"Yes, that's my house," said the noble.

"Well, there's a carriage in front of the house," said the elf.

"Yes, I can just make it out, but cannot see any details. Whose carriage is it?" asked the noble

"The carriage has Lord Roxbury's crest on the door," said the elf, "so I assume it's his."

"Lord Roxbury is my best friend. What else can you see?"

"Well," said the elf, "I can see a man and a woman in a room on the second floor."

"What does the man look like?" asked the noble.

The elf described the man.

"That's Lord Roxbury," said the noble. "What does the woman look like?"

"That's my wife," said the noble. "What is she wearing?"

"Nothing," said the elf.

"What is she doing," asked the noble.

"Kissing Lord Roxbury and taking his clothes off," replied the elf.

"Betrayed by my wife and best friend!" exclaimed the noble. "Sir, if your services are available, I will pay you 1000 gold to kill that treacherous couple."

"My services are, indeed, available," said the elf, as he strung his bow and nocked an arrow.

"I want you to emasculate Lord Roxbury and put an arrow through my wife's head!" shouted the noble.

The elf took careful aim and then froze.

"What's the matter?" shouted the noble. "Can't you make the shots?"

"Oh, I can make the shots," said the elf.

"Then why do you wait?" asked the noble.

"You have been a gracious host. If we wait a couple of minutes, I can save you 500 gold pieces."